Tomorrow is Fathers Day. Not the easiest for me to write about but maybe it will help someone who struggles with whether or not their dad loved them. Dad and I were never close, his dad dies before I was born. Grandpa Aarant, I liked him, but I was young when he passed away. The one that was more like a dad and was my strength and encourager growing up was my brother (my buddy) James. Yet I knew my dad loved me but never showed it. There was a day in my young life that I knew dad loved me and was there when I needed him. If your relationship with your dad is or was strained, after reading my story, look back in your life and see if you can find a time that your dad was there for you and know he did love you. Life often becomes overwhelming, parents and children get separated, the relationship broken. Find peace knowing he did love you, always have and always will or did, but just didn't know how to break down the barriers. Dad I love you and miss you. I'll see you again one day. What a day that will be.
Dad And I
Looking back over my life, I sadly realized, Dad and I never really bonded. As far back as I could remember, our relationship was always strained. My brother, James, was the one that made me feel accepted and that I was OK. I grew up feeling Dad never cared for me. He never once asked my side of any situation, but believed whatever someone said about me and punished me for it. Yet, somehow I knew he did love me. He just didn't know how to show it.
That feeling haunted me for many years. Why couldn't I gain his approval? As I started to journal years ago and deal with issues in my past, I was able to recall the end of one of my memories, it concerned the doctor's dog. I was probably in the first grade, mom had taken us to the family grocery store in downtown Dexter. Often Linda and I played in front of the store, skipping on the sidewalk. That day I skipped to the adjacent doctors office. Just as I got there doctor came out with his dog, a Boxer. I scared the dag and he jumped at me growling. I turned, and started running, and screaming all the way past the grocery store, around the corner, and down the alley, I went. Mom yelled, "Jimmy catch her." yelling back Dad asked, "Which way did she go?" "Down the alley", was the reply. Running through the store and out the back door, Dad caught me up in his arms and held me tight. I knew I was safe.
I know that Dad did care and had come to my rescue, when as a little girl, I needed my Daddy most. A lot of heartaches healed, just from that one memory. Even today, I am not fond of Boxers.
Shortly after that incident Grandma Carney passed away and a three year battle over the estate began. I believe Dad became over whelmed with life and all the responsibilities he had, there just wasn't much time or energy left for the kids.
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